Monday, December 13, 2004
i am really fed up. fed up with not only my life but it seems to be everything in it. i dun feel like confide in anyone anymore or izzit because that i am afraid? the me now, will only probably share to others abt things that was once important in my life. but not now. i might still care for those things that was once important in my life. now, i just feel like disappearing. to somewhere no one could contact nor find. but could it be possible? in a place like Singapore? or to be exact. the world? is there really love and peace in one place and it will last forever? probably not. how long could love lasts? maybe not long enuf for someone to feel it until wad is so called the love, fade slowly... everything seems to fade away slowly.. things that was once important became wad i call illusions and things that i once treasured are now leaving me. why is dis happening?
well... i dunno why. i dunno much. i dun understand why. i am touched many times by the two very good 'sisters' in my life. but i dun feel that any of dis is solid. it seems to be permissible. able to be broken down in awhile. i dun like dis feeling. i dun want dis feeling but it can't be helped... right?
i dun understand wad my head is thinking abt at all. not at all. it can drift frm here to somewhere very far. i can comfort pple but does not put those words to practice. wad am i?
dis few daes, quite many things have happened. my dog have left probably awhile or forever, my brother is leaving for vietnam, i made many pple disappointed, my eyes seem to be like waterfall, i quarrelled wif my mum, my sister is probably going to be in china for another six months after new year and many uncomfortable things have happen. things that i dun like.
erm. my tuition for additional maths have start. i regret taking pure. i dunno y. i think i make a big fat mistake. for the fifth time since i joined sec 1. these five times, make me feel more depressed den ever. well. uncomfortable atmosphere and weird feelings are in place when the tuition start. yi fang and ee shan joined the tuition. me and wendy sat together den denise they all sit together. it might felt a little weird at first. but, i guess, the feeling will not be there as time pass by. relationship between pple might also deterioate bahx. i hope our relationship will be as good as last time but dis time, with an increased amount of people and peobably, it will be better. many things are hid in the heart and probably betta not to say it out.
the next dae, bobo left the hse. to my sis's bf hse. probably awhile, or very long. my mum still doesn't agree to keep bobo. becos of dis, i probably quarelled a million times with her. i know that i shouldn't hope that she will understand but it just isn't fair anymore.
den, i receive melissa's call.. depressing. it is depressing on how things work dis way. i have no say so if u wanna noe anything, just ask them. thanks alot anyway. to remind me how worthless i am and valueless too. thankz
my mum start relating things to a person in the past. probably, she might be worried for me. she is making me scared by saying all dis things. i just hope that dis things doesn't happen.
and then, it is the job at KFC. swee kee and i decided probably to discuss wif mdm abt it first. cause i dun think wif so many stress, we could still be able to work so many daes when school reopen. i am working soon. i have been on leave, or wad is called OFF for like two weeks. it means that there is no pay or the first half of the month. haiz. wad should i sae?
yesterdae, was the NE camp. i didn't go for it cause my mother does not really allow and den my brother is leaving soon. in a matter of daes.
i really want to thank swee kee for buying it for me. u shouldn't hab to do it u noe. cause i already hab one and also that u could spend the money on things that u like instead on me. anyway, thanks. if u want it back one dae, or not enuf cash and want me to pay u back, feel free to tell me u noe. i am not sure if it could clear my doubts, but i really thank u.
well... there is many more troubles to go through. i guess, i just hab to face it and probably get over it. if only i could... if only i could.
well... i dunno why. i dunno much. i dun understand why. i am touched many times by the two very good 'sisters' in my life. but i dun feel that any of dis is solid. it seems to be permissible. able to be broken down in awhile. i dun like dis feeling. i dun want dis feeling but it can't be helped... right?
i dun understand wad my head is thinking abt at all. not at all. it can drift frm here to somewhere very far. i can comfort pple but does not put those words to practice. wad am i?
dis few daes, quite many things have happened. my dog have left probably awhile or forever, my brother is leaving for vietnam, i made many pple disappointed, my eyes seem to be like waterfall, i quarrelled wif my mum, my sister is probably going to be in china for another six months after new year and many uncomfortable things have happen. things that i dun like.
erm. my tuition for additional maths have start. i regret taking pure. i dunno y. i think i make a big fat mistake. for the fifth time since i joined sec 1. these five times, make me feel more depressed den ever. well. uncomfortable atmosphere and weird feelings are in place when the tuition start. yi fang and ee shan joined the tuition. me and wendy sat together den denise they all sit together. it might felt a little weird at first. but, i guess, the feeling will not be there as time pass by. relationship between pple might also deterioate bahx. i hope our relationship will be as good as last time but dis time, with an increased amount of people and peobably, it will be better. many things are hid in the heart and probably betta not to say it out.
the next dae, bobo left the hse. to my sis's bf hse. probably awhile, or very long. my mum still doesn't agree to keep bobo. becos of dis, i probably quarelled a million times with her. i know that i shouldn't hope that she will understand but it just isn't fair anymore.
den, i receive melissa's call.. depressing. it is depressing on how things work dis way. i have no say so if u wanna noe anything, just ask them. thanks alot anyway. to remind me how worthless i am and valueless too. thankz
my mum start relating things to a person in the past. probably, she might be worried for me. she is making me scared by saying all dis things. i just hope that dis things doesn't happen.
and then, it is the job at KFC. swee kee and i decided probably to discuss wif mdm abt it first. cause i dun think wif so many stress, we could still be able to work so many daes when school reopen. i am working soon. i have been on leave, or wad is called OFF for like two weeks. it means that there is no pay or the first half of the month. haiz. wad should i sae?
yesterdae, was the NE camp. i didn't go for it cause my mother does not really allow and den my brother is leaving soon. in a matter of daes.
i really want to thank swee kee for buying it for me. u shouldn't hab to do it u noe. cause i already hab one and also that u could spend the money on things that u like instead on me. anyway, thanks. if u want it back one dae, or not enuf cash and want me to pay u back, feel free to tell me u noe. i am not sure if it could clear my doubts, but i really thank u.
well... there is many more troubles to go through. i guess, i just hab to face it and probably get over it. if only i could... if only i could.
1:03 AM; shattered
dreams.